A married male friend recently approached me for dating advice.
He and his wife, partnered for 15 years, had decided to open up their marriage and start seeing other people. “I’ve been in relationships my whole life, so I’ve never been on a first date,” he told me. “It sounds like a horrible nightmare, but also like something that maybe I should experience once during my lifetime. You go on dates a lot. Got any tips?”
I’m no stranger to the subtle prejudices single people face in a world mostly designed for couples — the capitalist behemoth that is Valentine’s Day serving as one prime example.
I would have chuckled if his request didn’t feel like a dig at my life choices. As someone who’s been single for roughly half of my adult life, I’m no stranger to the “dreaded” first dates he speaks of (which are actually pretty fun if you don’t take them too seriously). I’m also no stranger to the subtle prejudices single people face in a world mostly designed for couples — the capitalist behemoth that is Valentine’s Day serving as one prime example.
Being single means being relegated to the pullout couch or shared bunk beds during group trips and wedding weekends. My annual tax bill is likely higher than it would be if I’d snagged a husband. A slate of reality dating shows (I’m not ashamed to admit I became a card-carrying member of Bachelor Nation during the pandemic) peg cheeky car insurance commercials to the narrative that human beings are only truly happy once they’ve found their “person.”
And then there’s the question often volleyed, innocently enough, by people who think they’re paying you a compliment: Why is someone as pretty/successful/[insert generic nicety] as you still single?
A New York Times opinion essay from November explored why more women are opting out of marriage, positing that today’s dating pool doesn’t include enough eligible men. A feature ran in The Guardian a couple weeks later that celebrated…
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