When Lauren B. Quetsch and Tim Cavell were batting around potential titles for their recently released book, Quetsch suggested “I Love My Kids, But ….”
Both Quetsch and Cavell are psychology professors at the University of Arkansas who specialize in child psychology.
The title was written off as “too negative,” Quetsch said, and they eventually settled on “Good Enough Parenting: A Six-Point Plan for a Stronger Relationship With Your Child.”
The title and contents of the book, Cavell said, are meant to push back against the commonly used phrase “effective parenting.”
“We argue that the myth of effective parenting can sometimes be a burden for parents,” he said. “It seems really unfair because it fails to appreciate so many factors, specifically cultural, familial context.”
We argue that the myth of effective parenting can sometimes be a burden for parents.
“Good Enough Parenting” acknowledges that parenting is not only difficult but surprising — and there are many times you’ll want to say, “I love my kids, but ….”
Often science-driven books that collect and synthesize data into short quips about how to be an effective parent don’t really account for how much you, as a parent, are going to get it wrong.
“A good enough parent, just by the nature of their effort, will fail,” he said. “They will not meet their child’s needs, but that’s an opportunity for a child to learn things on their own. Being a good enough parent is giving their child a gift that will help them learn.”
Acts such as limiting screen time or teaching your child a second language can be great but can also pull focus from what Quetsch and Cavell believe is the most important part of parenting: learning to relate to your child.
“It’s a long-term, one-sided gig,” Cavell said. “It’s about managing the relationship, not managing the behavior.”
In order to help parents create a good relationship with their child, Quetsch and Cavell identified six pillars that focus on how to connect.
Use these 6…
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