Friends are the cornerstone of a fulfilling and happy life. But some friendships can veer into toxicity, leaving emotional scars that make us want to withdraw altogether.
As a psychologist and expert in human connection, belonging and friendship, I help people recognize the signs of toxic relationships. But as my fellow friendship expert Danielle Bayard-Jackson argues, the most toxic friends often use crafty and underhanded forms of aggression.
Here are eight phrases that will help you spot even subtle signs of a toxic friendship:
1. ‘You’re too sensitive.’
When friends say “you’re too sensitive,” they imply that your feelings aren’t valid and that there’s something wrong with you for having them.
But expressing your emotions is a healthy part of any friendship, and being told you’re too sensitive may indicate your friend lacks empathy.
2. ‘I was just joking. Can’t you take a joke?’
Good friends are responsive and try to meet your needs. When you tell a friend you’re hurt, responsiveness looks like them trying to understand why and adjusting their behavior.
In a toxic friendship, they may instead say things like “Can’t you take a joke?” as a defense to camouflage hurtful comments and avoid accountability.
3. ‘You’re lucky to have me as a friend.’
Healthy friendships are built on equality. You’re both invested and neither of you is viewed as better than the other.
If you constantly hear your friend asserting their superiority or suggesting you should be grateful for their presence, it may be a sign of an imbalanced relationship in which you’re not valued.
4. ‘I miss the old you.’
Friends should allow you to be who you are, whether or not it fits their personal values, and encourage you to change and grow.
If your friend expresses discomfort with positive changes or, worse, undermines your progress, it could be a sign that you’ve outgrown the friendship or that your friend doesn’t have your best interests in mind.
5. ‘You owe me.’
While reciprocity is…
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