While weekly date nights and using one another’s “love language” might help you create a healthy relationship, nothing will work as long as you engage in counterproductive habits.
I’ve spent 20-plus years as a therapist helping individuals and couples build mental strength. Growing mentally stronger can help you become a better partner, bring out the best in each other, and improve your relationship.
The number one thing mentally strong couples never do, I’ve found, is use their emotions as weapons.
What this toxic habit looks like
In a healthy relationship, you can both express your feelings while still respecting where the other person is coming from. But some people will use their emotions to manipulate a situation or conflict, sometimes without even realizing it.
How many of these statements sound familiar, for you or for your partner?
- I’ve cried during a conversation to make my partner stop talking about a difficult subject.
- I’ve expressed anger during a conversation with my partner because I wanted them to change their viewpoint.
- I’ve tried to use guilt to make my partner change their behavior.
- I’ve told my partner I can’t discuss certain topics surrounding our relationship because the subject matter is too upsetting.
- I’ve used the silent treatment when I’m angry.
- I’ve reminded my partner that I’m too fragile to handle certain things.
If these behaviors ring true for either of you, you may be using your emotions as weapons.
Why we do it and how to stop
Many people use their emotions as weapons simply because it works. If your partner wants to get out of doing something, they might say they’re too anxious. Or if you want your partner to stop talking, you might raise your voice.
These strategies can be effective ways to get what you want. But they are damaging tactics that can obscure what is really going on.
Someone might use emotional expressions to control others, because they feel like their real emotions are so out of control. This might tame some internal chaos,…
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