Success requires motivation. And teaching kids to be internally motivated is easier said than done, says Dr. Tovah Klein.
When parents try to motivate their children by enthusiastically cheering them on or heaping praise on them, they can actually do more harm than good, says Klein, a child psychologist, author and director of the Barnard College Center for Toddler Development. Barnard is an undergraduate women’s college of Columbia University.
“Over-cheering and over-praising” is a common mistake, Klein tells CNBC Make It. “Parents often think that this is linear: ‘If I want my child to be motivated, I have to motivate them myself to get them there.'”
That’s not actually the case, she says: It might sound counterintuitive, but parents might need to back off and tone down their cheerleading to truly motivate their kids.
Here’s why.
The dangers of praising children too much
Too much praise can negatively affect children, research shows — sometimes turning them into “praise junkies” who tie their self-worth to external approval. Those children come to expect overt praise, and are extremely disappointed when they don’t receive it.
This can lead to anxiety and a fear of failure, rather than kids developing the resilience to bounce back from their failures.
Kids are “inherently curious to begin with,” which helps fuel their motivation to try new things and take on new challenges, says Klein. “[But] the praising and cheering takes away the curiosity … It becomes, ‘Oh, did I please Mommy or Daddy? Are they cheering me? Why aren’t they cheering for me?'”
When children lose sight of whether an activity or behavior itself is rewarding, it “actually works against that internal motivation,” Klein says.
That’s why psychologists often advise parents to praise their kid’s process, rather than the outcome. Kids who only want to perform well to receive praise from their parents can become adults whose only motivation for high performance is a potential raise or promotion.
In contrast,…
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