Again and again, research has found that the key to a happy and successful life is to create deep relationships.
This requires good communication skills. Unfortunately, many of us aren’t good at it. Our default is always to ask, “How are you?”
As a happiness researcher and founder of The New Happy, I’ve found that these three words, while well-intentioned, only lead to meaningless conversations.
To get a genuine response and go beyond small talk, ask these eight questions instead:
1. “How are you, really?”
You can easily transform conversations by adding one simple word: “really.” It indicates that you want to go beyond the pleasantries.
2. “How are you doing right now?”
Another way to modify “How are you?” is to narrow the question’s focus to the present moment.
Use this when you want to connect with someone who is navigating major or prolonged challenges, such as loss, illness, unemployment, or a breakup.
3. “What’s been on your mind lately?”
Some people find it easier to share thoughts than to share feelings. And often, what they tell you about their thoughts will also give you insight into their feelings.
As you listen, offer support and validation with phrases like “That sounds like a tough situation” or “How did that make you feel?”
4. “If you were being completely honest with me, how would you describe your feelings lately?”
The first part of this question is powerful. You’re giving someone explicit permission to share how they’re feeling, and doing it in a way that makes them feel safe.
You can change the second part of the question to ask about more specific topics, too. With a coworker, for example: “If you were being completely honest with me, how do you think this project is going so far?”
Or with your partner: “If you were being completely honest with me, what is one thing you’d like me to do differently in our relationship?”
5. “What’s feeling good, and what’s feeling hard?”
The problem with “How are you?” is that it…
Read the full article here