Every relationship has its rough patches. But what really matters is how you and your partner interact on a regular basis.
As a Harvard-trained psychologist, I’ve found that the happiest couples don’t avoid conflict — they navigate it by speaking to each other with appreciation and respect. Unfortunately, I’ve seen a lot of marriages end due to poor communication and an unwillingness to change.
So if you use any of these phrases with your partner, your relationship is more successful than most others:
1. “I appreciate your effort.”
It’s tempting to become overly focused on things you don’t like about your partner, and to point them out at every chance you get.
But it’s important to highlight the good in their actions. Happy couples express gratitude for each other’s efforts. It’s a great way to make everyone feel valued.
Similar phrases:
- “I appreciate that you work so hard to support our family.”
- “I’m grateful that you take the kids to school because it helps me get things done in the morning.”
2. “I like you.”
The healthiest couples don’t just love each other, they like each other, too.
Loving someone is an intense feeling of affection; liking is about seeing them for who they are and acknowledging the attributes you enjoy about them.
Similar phrases:
- “I like that you are so passionate about staying healthy.”
- “I like how devoted you are to your hobbies.”
3. “Help me better understand this.”
We all have different upbringings, vulnerabilities, values and beliefs that shape how we think relationships should work.
If your partner reacts to a situation in a way that you don’t understand, telling them that you want to know them better is key to resolving conflict and bonding at a deeper level.
Similar phrases:
- “I don’t know why this is so upsetting to you. Please help me see your perspective.”
- “I want to work through this together, and I need to understand you better to do that.”
4. “I’m listening…”
Disagreements are inevitable, but it’s…
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